Empathy for Yourself in the Midst of Chronic Illness Flare-Ups

Perhaps the most agonizing part of chronic illness is the inconsistency, one day you feel fine and go do chores or work with no problem, the next you are bound to your bed by pain. These sudden spikes of pain are known as flare-ups. A flare-up can ruin a night, a job, or even a whole week. They can feel insurmountable, dash any hopes of productivity, and destroy plans.

They can’t be done away with, destroyed, or completely prevented, BUT they can be managed. In fact, they need to be managed because they can easily force you into a spiral of depression, unproductivity, pain, and moodiness. While they should be fought and worked on, you are not being lazy, seeking an excuse, or angsty, you are not a villain for struggling to keep emotions in check while experiencing a flare up. Personally, flare ups make me so frustrated, so angry that i get abrasive and can be mean to anyone trying to talk to me or get my help. I have to go away from everybody, from all the noise, and watch tv, read, or draw to calm down enough to be with other people.

This leads into the first vital part of dealing with a flare up, internalizing that it is not your fault, it does not make you weak, lazy, mean, unhelpful, or incapable. When I flare up, I struggle immensely with this, beating myself up for just rotting in bed, for being lazy, or for falling. This feeds a cycle of negativity which only enhances the real pain of a flare up, making that spiral. By moving with the current you make it easier for it to pull you deeper, while working against it means however hard it may be, you can get free. 

The first step is to realize that you are going the path of the tide, ask yourself the most basic questions, have I eaten? Have I showered? Have I had some water, some rest? If you haven’t, try to, take that first step to getting better. The pain won’t be gone, but you will have renewed energy, a refreshed mind, and hopefully a better mood. However, these have a secret positive effect: YOU HAVE DONE SOMETHING, a shower is an accomplishment, breakfast is climbing mount everest, a nap an Olympic medal. When you have a flare up, EVERYTHING you get done is an accomplishment, and you can’t fail them. If you didn’t shower, then fine, try again later. Do it to HELP you, not to do it, it's not a requirement to leave the house, but it can be a goal. 

Even if you spent the whole day in bed, didn’t shower, didn’t change, didn’t go out, and didn’t get up, you would’ve still accomplished the single greatest thing anyone can do: live. Every day that goes by is an accomplishment because you made it through, you can be here for tomorrow, and who knows, the flare up could get better or it could get worse. What matters is that you got through it, take it day by day, thing by thing, solution by solution. Find even one thing that helps your pain, a stuffed animal, a friend, having a nap, comfort food, an activity, music,  or a blanket and try it. If you can’t have whatever helps you with you, then think about it, really think, describe to yourself features. Get lost in comforting thoughts, use your solutions, free yourself from spiraling.

In the end it will all be okay, and if it isn’t all okay then it isn’t the end.